My lonesome thoughts dance around 

I can feel the ball in my throat, 

Struggling to swallow. 

The panic sets in 

My hands wrap around my throat, 

Struggling to breathe. 

Two friends on my shoulders, 

The devil, 

And angel. 

Scared of the numbers I see, 

No longer, 

The girl 

Smiling and joyous with life. 

You have now witnessed me transform  

I am a shadow 

I don’t reveal that part of me. 

The numbers have changed, 

My skin has stretched.  

No, 

I am not a shadow 

I am a human being. 

Being around you, 

Something about the butterflies in my stomach. 

The tears that get wiped away by your hand, 

The hand always intertwined with mine, 

Knowledge like no other human. 

You are the first person I think about, 

And the first person I dream about. 

She liked simple, she liked sweet things. 

Sweet smelling flowers,  

Honey in her tea 

Although she didn’t admire the taste, 

she liked asking for it. 

Her beauty showed through her style, 

Her vanilla perfume, 

And the little annotations in her books. 

Like a leech I’m stuck. 

Stuck to the human you were before her 

I am still stuck underneath the stars 

We are still singing that one song. 

You’re still finding a way to reach out. 

Back when life was so confusing 

Yet so simple. 

I wake up with the feeling  

When I lay my head down,  

I am trapped in my dreams. 

I can’t leave it. 

I’ve grown so comfortable with rage in my body. 

A blank canvas, 

My words splatter across the page. 

Tell me your problems,  

I’ll tell you mine. 

Let’s get lost in time. 

My heart loved the person he was, 

Yet couldn’t stand the feeling he gave me. 

A punching bag for my emotions, 

And love was never supposed to make me go mad. 

The true feeling of love, 

An open heart and not having to play tug of war. 

Being a woman, 

Bleaching your roots of the past, 

Stripping away the hair you got from your mother, 

The deep dimples your grandma gave you. 

Why must we book appointments? 

Why must we get rid of our true beauty? 

Watching someone you love  

slowly to drift away  

poison their body 

Kissing the light goodbye. 

Things to remember 

1. letting your feelings show does not make you look weak
2. leaving the family you thought was perfect is okay
3. different people take different amounts of time to heal
4. take a deep breath and let go of it
5. you’re going to make it out alive

6:10 AM. 

My arm feels stiff, 

My mouth is wide open, 

Screaming. 

Hoping someone will hear. 

The tall man in the corner keeps me company. 

Soon I will wake up.