The week has passed 

The house is quiet 

Your bed is unmade 

The somber night  

Filled with empty tears  

I miss you with everything in me 

The boy across the room 

He stares at the wall 

Not Intune with the world 

The boy across the room sleeps 

He falls asleep to the sound of the teacher talking 

The boy across the room never misses school 

Until one day he did not show 

His chair empty and his desk collected dust 

Did he ever have a name 

Wait I never got his name 

The teacher asked me if there was something wrong 

I ask her about the boy that sat across the room  

I point at the empty desk 

She looked at me with a strange look 

Sweetheart she said 

no one ever sat there 

A strange world of love 

I never got taught how to love 

How to give your trust and care to someone 

Trust and honesty were the key ingredients 

I could never allow myself to love 

Men have always left me broken 

Always walked away from my whispers 

I only said I love you once and never again 

I didn’t love him I never did 

I wanted him to stay 

I wanted him to believe me 

Google searches on how to love someone 

Back to square one 

Plant yourself in the dirt 

Water your heart 

And bloom a forest 

For once I can say you’re right 

And for once I’m not screaming stop 

You don’t know what it’s like to grow up all alone 

Grow up they would say when I acted out 

It’s too late to grow up 

My mind needed a new place to stay 

I want to get better 

A fresh start 

But it does not feel fresh 

Cigarette smoke vented through my windows 

Soon I learned to keep them closed 

embarrassed every time I had to say my mother was sleeping 

Secretly I snuck by her limp body 

taking a sip of each drink she had that day 

I felt the need to see if she was okay 

I no longer look at plastic water bottles the same 

But sleepovers turned into scavenger hunts around my room 

Concealing the mistakes she would make 

Fitting in was the only way to push the lies I gulped down every week 

Oh god did I want to go home 

A wonderous place shimmered with fairy dust and magical giants 

Home was where my head laid as my eyes filled with darkness 

Wake up 

Wake up 

That’s not home 

A loud area captured by four walls 

My real home no longer held that title 

Close your eyes 

Take me home 

Take a deep breath 

You are just simply existing 

I lay in the garden 

I am covered in dirt 

Soon I begin to sink 

Drag me down 

Plant your favorite flowers  

Let the roots take hold of me 

Wrap me up 

I am home 

The scent of fresh fruit 

Summer covers the house next door in vines  

There is a bird nest in the tree outside my window 

Sun is in my room  

It serves as a natural alarm clock 

I kiss my lover good morning  

Pouring coffee into a thrifted mug 

Outside a butterfly relaxes on my chair 

I move to the seat next to it  

Finally free and on my own 

I never understood the feeling of being completely free 

Always stuck inside 

 Helping put together the perfect picture 

The perfect house must be clean and open 

I scrub every inch of my house 

 So my parents will let me be free 

I cannot drive but of course I wish too 

I am compared to the perfection which is my sister 

Her long dark hair  

Her freckled face  

Not an imperfection in sight 

I dream of a night out 

I dream of a big friend group 

I dream one day I will be perfect 

The poison paces its way through the blood 

The blood of the evil 

The blood of the unloyal 

The venomous toxin called alcohol 

Taking the lives of beloved  

Taking over my mother 

My father 

They were not evil 

They were not unloyal  

They were the ones who raised me  

Tucking me in my bed 

Taking care of my sick body 

Their blood was pure  

Maybe evil was in the form of this liquid 

Intoxicating their minds 

Their bodies were no longer alive 

I would rather hear the evil that they possessed  

Then stand over them as they slowly fade.