Justin Hernandez was two at the time his body was discovered. He was the little boy that went missing in January of 2012, buried deep in the snow on a rather large hill that my family would always visit every winter. This year was just a little different… This year I had to wait in cold metal chairs at the Oakland County police department.  

“Good morning Ms. Valez, I’m Officer Nicks. Thank you for being so patient.” Nicks was about 5’8” and had a dark complexion, he seated himself across from me. I could barely look him in the eyes. 

My heart raced and I could hear the rapid beating in my ears. I counted my heartbeat to try and calm the nerves. One…two…three…four…five. 

“Ms. Valez can you tell me what you saw on the morning of January 12th, 2013.” He questioned. 

“A boy, he was blue and purple and had dark black spots on his face. He had blood running down his nose and a large gash across his nose. His body was frail and smelt of a cold morning and fresh snow.” I felt a chill run down my spine. 

Nicks eyes focused on the large pad of paper; he took notes on the description I had given him.  

“When you discovered Justin Hernandezs body did you know who he was.” Nicks questioned. 

“No, I was just worried that he was going to be someone I did know.” I could feel the cold sweat drip down my neck. One…two…three…four…five…six. 

“And how would you feel if it was someone you did know? Would you feel any guilt in that?” His voice got louder, and my ears began to ring. 

Guilt. That’s all I could feel, guilty. 

I stared at the dirty tile floor, “I would.” I mumbled. 

“Are you sure you don’t know who this is?” The picture Nicks was holding is the little boy that was found the day I went sledding, the image was covered in blood with the word guilty written on it. 

“Ms. Valez… Ms. Valez?” Nicks voice sounded like he was underwater. 

“Ms. Valez!” He screamed. 

“I’m sorry” I pleaded. 

“Thats alright, I just want to ask you a few more questions and then I will get you back to your family.”  

Nicks shuffled through papers, writing things down as needed. My heart thumped to the vibration of my foot bouncing on the floor. There was no way I was going to be able to calm myself down. 

After the interview I walked out of the police station with a hole in my chest and my skin tingled. I continued to walk to my car and said goodbye to my family along the way. Every person I walked by stared at me, making me seem as transparent as ever.  

I ran to my car and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me.  

“Oh god.” I said as I took a deep breath out. 

Weeks had gone by since the day I had gotten questioned about Justin, and yet I still have the same tingly feeling. The paranoia has only grown worse, I thought of every single thing they may do to track how he had gotten murdered. I was laying down on the couch watching the new flood about Justins case, it was briefly interrupted when my mom called me and asked how I was doing. 

“I’ve been okay.” I sighed. 

“Natasha, you sound sick are you feeling okay hon?” My mother asked. 

“I might be catching a little cold; I have been outside a little bit but other than that I mostly stayed indoors.” I sniffled through the phone. 

“I think I am going to try and get some rest, I will pick up some medicine later tonight.” 

“Okay get plenty of rest, I will make you some soup and bring it to you tonight.” The warmth in her voice put me to sleep. 

“Alright mom I love you, see you later tonight.” I said adding another sniffle for dramatic effect. 

“Okay sweetheart I love you too, bye.”  

I opened my eyes and sat up; I was not in the slightest bit sick. Although my thoughts made me get worked up, I felt fine. I needed to clear my head though. Normal people go for a nice little run or meditate to clear their heads. I indulge in lots of junk food and binge watch T.V.  

Just five hours of being alone in my apartment and watching every new documentary there was on Netflix. 

A loud banging came from the door of my apartment, I paused my show and slowly walked towards the door, another few bangs came from the door making me jump. When I opened the door a tall man with an Oakland County police badge stood in front of my door asking, “Are you Natasha Valez?” 

I shook my head answering, “Yes.”  

“Come with me please.” He spoke. 

“Okay?” My heart raced. 

I thought to myself, what did they find out? I could feel my throat closing. 

Guilty.  

Natasha Valez is guilty of the murder of Justin Hernandez… 

The officer walked me out of my apartment complex, parked out front was a dark black police car. When we get to the car the officer speaks, “Ms. Valez, you are under arrest for the murder of Justin Hernandez. Anything you say will be used against you.” Cold metal cuffs are placed around my wrists 

Please let this be another paranoid delusion. 

He sets me in the back of the car and the only thing I can think of is the night of January 5th of 2012, the night it all began. Justin Hernandez is the son of Tyler Hernandez the man convicted of murder in 2002 and released in 2010. Tyler and I had met at a bar called Francessca’s. Within months he and I had spent quite a lot of time together. I got pregnant with Justin and Tyler went back to prison at the time of his arrival. I stayed in the house all by myself. I took care of him well and had to work on the side of being a “single” mother. Tyler had gotten into heavy drugs when we met and opened about his addiction, but addicts don’t want to get clean until they can come out and say they do.  

I had no support for anything I did in my life which made me grow alone and when I had Justin, I didn’t tell anybody. The only person who knew about Justin was Tyler, but since he had gotten locked up, I felt like I had a weight on my chest. My parents didn’t meet Tyler because of the way they had acted with the previous men I had brought home.  

I would lash out a lot at the ones I was close with, one of them being Justin. There would be nights when he would not go to sleep and I would yell and scream, this only made things worse.  

Back at the police station just only a few weeks later, now with blood on my hands and a dead little boy that I now must claim to be mine. DNA test came back like I had worried they would a few weeks back. Now I had to fully confess what I did.   

“Ms. Valez, you are charged with the murder of Justin Hernandez. So, what really happened on the night of January 5th of 2012.” I was put back into a room with a furious Nicks. 

I remained silent. My heart didn’t race anymore, and I felt at ease. A year went by, and I wanted to turn myself in, I stayed silent because I feared the hate I would receive.  

My own child. 

My baby. 

“You know that someone saying that they found a dead boy versus them being the one who murdered him are two different things.” He stated. 

I continued to stare at the floor, the same floor I glared at just a few weeks ago when I told myself I was going to confess. Now today is that day. 

I shouldn’t have lost it that night. 

“Ms. Valez, wake up.”  

My lifeless body lying on the ice-cold floor, the stress made me do things I would never imagine doing. Now it’s all over. 

“My name is Natasha Valez, and I am guilty.” I spoke.