Every inch of me sinks deep into the trenches. Just an empty body being pushed down, I do not understand why you did what you did. Broken pinky promises and forced I love yous. 

Give me nothing. 

My mouth overflowed most days, I would choke on my thoughts. Water filled my lungs on the days your lips didn’t take away my air. It feels funny not being suffocated by your presence. 

Freedom: The one thing people are supposed to have. 

Did you run out? So you took mine. Take my words, take my hand and guide me. I don’t want to follow, you taste bitter, no longer like rock candy. 

 I bite my tongue when you talk, an obsessive man that killed the little girl inside of me. 

Speak so you can shut me up, keeping me a secret won’t hide the truth.  

Your lies, your words, your cries. None of that makes me worry like I once did. 

Love is not always beautiful or majestic, but love should make you feel alive, kiss you goodnight and hold you tight. Coughing up the words I couldn’t push out of my chest just because of how scared I was.  

Don’t hold me, don’t touch me. My body is now responsible for holding me while I cry, my sheets kiss my tears goodbye. I leave my feelings behind; you wasted my time. One more time did not mean ONE MORE TIME, it was an excuse to hold me down and whisper, “you’re mine.”  

Breathe in, breathe out the things we do to live. Burn holes in my heart until that cycle no longer stands. I sit and I stare, my hollowed out stomach wraps around my ribs revealing the truth. Not good enough, not pretty enough, I was never enough. I want to get to know you, fall in love under the stars, kiss you until the sun rises, take me on road trips that never lead home.  

“Don’t hide me please, we can run away, find our own place we can call home, a place your father won’t leave a scar on you with his voice, run through thick strawberry fields, sing me that one song you always loved. Please don’t let go.” I would whisper in your ear. 

My room grew thick with the scent of your cologne, my pillows smelt of you and your voice never left. 

The lonely days are over, I push myself out of the trenches, amazed at what the world has to offer. Being fully alone is strange, difficult even, I don’t have anyone to call home. I grew fond of the comfort you brought me, stepping away meant learning how to live alone. 

I hold myself tight, kiss myself goodnight. I even sing myself songs as I close my eyes, heavy heart still beating. I no longer listen to the songs you like, I burned the letters that have your name all over them. I’m still healing from the pain you brought with the time we spent together, I understand that I was just holding a spot for you to be satisfied, giving you what you wanted, revealing myself in ways that I never thought I would.  

Empowerment: Hold together the broken pieces of my heart as I sing a catchy melody. 

I went on to talk about you, I used your name in stories I wrote and cried about poetry that gave me chills talking about the mental abuse I went through.  

Things have changed since I left, I cut my hair, I decorated my room, I like rock music, I plan on pursuing writing, I met a boy that is helping me heal.  

I was alone for a while until I met him, he scooped me up and brought me to a place I call home. He is not afraid to show me off, he holds me in public and he cuts out time to bring me up. My poems consist of love now, the scent of fresh carnations and pumpkin spice. Love makes me sing songs that are slow and read books to fill the time. I was never at home with you, the comfort of knowing you were still there made me feel like I had a home.  

Home is not made up of four walls, it’s made up of a tall boy with the prettiest blue eyes and most radiant smile. He takes me on adventures on open roads late at night, kisses me under the moonlight, and whispers to me as I fall asleep.  

My lungs do not have the same burn they did before, and when I cry it’s when I laugh.  

Freedom.  

We were all born with one gift and it’s that we all are free, I can finally say I feel like I am completely. My eyes stay open to stare at the one that brings me joy, the human I call my own. 

My fear has drifted away, you cannot hold me down anymore. 

I can now fall asleep while being in love, no more heavy heart.