Two arguments presenting the opinion on who would win in a one-on-one brawl– Tony the Tiger or Cap’n Crunch. 

  In the Defense of Cap’n Crunch

   By: Mackenzie Patenaude 

   On March 11th, 1943, Horatio Magellan Crunch (also known as Cap’n Crunch) was born on                                     

Crunch Island in the Sea of Milk – a magical place with talking trees, crazy creatures and Mt. Crunchmore- a whole mountain made out of mysterious cereal. 

   Now, on to the important question- if Cap’n Crunch himself were to get into a fight with Tony the Tiger of Frosted Flakes, who would win?
The answer is without a doubt Cap’n Crunch. 

   Looking at basic facts first, Cap’n Crunch would have the physical capability to take out Tony the Tiger just by pure strength from what they eat. Cap’n Crunch cereal includes Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch- by starting his day off with the protein from the peanut butter AND the bowl of milk it soaks in? Plus the carbs in the cereal and fat in the milk? That balanced diet will support a long happy life and a powerful Cap’n. Tony is eating straight carbs coated in sugar when he starts off day off with Frosted Flakes- he’s going to have weak limbs and diabetes before he can even begin the fight- where Cap’n Crunch would inevitably take him out- he has the macros to prove it. 

   Some will argue that Cap’n Crunch is too old to take Tony in a fight- and though he may be 79 years old, Tony the Tiger was born in 1952- making him 70! When you’re that old, what really is 9 years? Plus, a healthy, hardworking man like Cap’n Crunch, who’s had a balanced diet his whole life, is likely in great health at 79, where a Tiger like Tony who runs on straight sugar is probably hanging on by his last stripe. He’s not just an old guy- he’s a seasoned, well-developed man with knowledge beyond Tony’s years. His “dad strength” in one fist is probably stronger than all the strength in Tony’s body at this point in their lives. 

   Another common argument for why Tony could take the Cap’n is the fact that Tony stands at 7 feet tall, where Cap’n Crunch stands at a less impressive 5 foot 5 inches. But what does height truly mean in a fight? Tony is so scrawny, where Cap’n Crunch is pure condensed muscle. It is also much harder to punch downwards like Tony would have to do to reach Cap’n Crunch- but Cap could throw one upper cut, or take out Tony’s ankles, and he’d be done. Being shorter is a true advantages when you look at the bigger picture.  

   Another reason Cap’n Crunch would absolutely obliterate Tony the Tiger are his powers and accessories. First of all, Cap’n Crunch comes with a literal ship with cannons. One shot and Tony’s done. He also has vehicular mastery over his ship, The Guppy, and can even ride it on land and through walls. He can also summon The Guppy at his will, so he can take Tony at any time, at any place. He can also fly by the power of his hat- so he can make a height advantage, a quick getaway, or a swift move to win the fight. Tony’s speed and strength would have no effect on Cap’n Crunch because his ability to fly and his weapons would tak him right back to an advantage.

   At a glance, Tony is a Tiger, and Cap’n Crunch is a Man- so the answer of who would win seems obvious. But when it comes down to the facts, Cap’n Crunch could take out Tony any day, and would absolutely win the fight. 

   In the Defense of Tony the Tiger 

   By: Alyssa Zerilli 

   Tony the Tiger debuted to Kellogg’s Cereal gang in 1952 and annihilat

ed his way to the top of advertisement for the brand. A seven-foot-tall beast of a tiger, 550 pounds of pure muscle, Tony presented his strength in sports to all cereal fans from the start.  

   So, when considering who would win in a fight between Cap’n Crunch and Tony the Tiger, the only correct answer can be Tony. 

   To prove this, we need to look at Tony’s abilities. This includes super strength, near invincible-like feats of durability, enhanced sight and smell, super speed, heightened agility, A bite force of 1050 PSI (Cap’n crunch has a measly 70 PSI) and believe it or not electricity manipulation and immunity to electricity. (Information gathered from deathbattlefannonWiki) 

    In his power-up form “Supercharged Tony”, he is depicted as being able to convert his bursts of energy gained from Frosted Flakes into lighting and can shock any foe that is unfortunate enough to fight this genetic anomaly of a tiger. This electricity can be charged into his arms and legs, delivering a shock with every hit. One shock from Tony’s electric burst

would send the 79-year-old pirate into cardiac arrest, 10000 volts is enough to kill a man, and in supercharged Tony’s case, he has unlimited amount of energy from his frosted flakes, meaning he could match this voltage on the Cap without batting an eye, leaving him to be an amalgamate pile of goop with a 100000-volt powered strike.  

    Tony’s crazy speed is depicted in a hockey commercial as well, he is seen to deflect an estimated 200 hockey pucks all flying at him at once, when he is hit by the pucks, he emerges unscathed. This speed and enhanced senses come in handy against Cap’n Crunch’s canon, who wouldn’t have enough time to even load the thing before Tony comes in for a Goku super-saiyan-like takedown. Even more alarming about Tony’s skill is the fact that he once kicked a soccer ball to the moon, and it ricocheted back in 3 seconds. That means Tony has an estimated 201 Mega Tonnes of force in his body (Calculated by Reddit user jimbob32165, a true scholar). When Cap’n Crunch deploys his ship as a defense mechanism, Tony could navigate and break his way through that clunky old piece of wood in a matter of seconds, the poor old Captain wouldn’t even know what hit him.  

    Tony’s diet of only Frosted flakes doesn’t seem to deter him either, in fact, eating frosted flakes increases his power and energy. Every bite of the sugary cereal only makes him more of a beast, adding to his horrifying levels of durability. He once fell through 5 stories of a building in a commercial and emerged unscathed to eat his frosted flakes. Tony can pull frosted flakes from thin air in an unlimited quantity, having a constant stream of energy and power-up fuel through frosted flakes is an insane advantage over anyone, comparable to Popeye eating spinach to get stronger.  

    Tony has a paternal fighting instinct as well, he has a wife and two kids, Antoinette and Tony Jr, so it’s safe to say he’s not going to let anyone get in his way to go home to his family. He holds an intense amount of concentration, being able to dribble 4 basketballs at once utilizing every part of his body to do so. His sheer will on top of his immense strength of 201 Mega Tonnes of force makes Tony the Tiger an insult to the laws of nature from his sheer power, and his skill is equivalent to God-like. He may be a charismatic fun-loving tiger on the outside, but he is a real monster of power on the inside.  

   Cap’n crunch’s ultimate downfall would be speed. Tony is agile and quick on his feet in almost comical levels, with speed and 550 pounds of pure muscle, that alone would be enough to take on the Cap’n and his artillery. His power-up skills and almost immeasurable levels of strength and concentration just add to the flame of destruction Cap’n would have the misfortune of fighting against. 

   In the fight between man and tiger, the human force with the use of weapons seems like it would be enough to take down the animal, but unfortunately for Cap’n Crunch, Tony is no ordinary tiger. Tony would be able to take down Cap’n crunch in an insultingly quick indisputable victory.