To my sister:

I don’t really know how to feel anymore. Though, I feel disgusted with myself. Most days without you bring pain, yet when I don’t feel pain on occasional days, I feel guilt for not feeling pain. I shouldn’t feel guilt or pain at this point, right? I should feel happy, right? And yet after all the deaths I’ve dealt with, yours somehow bothers me the most: It’s because I couldn’t save you. I’m the mom friend. Pay for everyone, support everyone blindly, protect everyone. So I feel as though I have to “save” everyone around me, so they don’t end up like you and the others. Oh well. Merry Christmas, I guess.

Memento Mori and with Love,
Your sister.