I slouched, staring out the window. Into the city that I always believed held my dreams. I now could only see the garbage, the rats and the smog. New York was supposed to be the city of dreams, but all my hopes seemed dead in front of me. My stomach growled. I muttered aloud, “One more, let’s go to Marten’s Café.” I walked with no hurry. The walk was memorized similarly to the cracks in the sidewalk I stared at and the construction I’d walked under for the past 8 years. I entered and my heart dropped, the one place that felt like home seemed foreign to her now. New faces and a new menu. It was packed, everyone was waiting patiently, but never long. I looked at the new sign above the register. Thinking of what I should get.  

“Next,” a unkept man screamed, “what can I get you?”  

“I’ll have a medium peached iced tea, and a cheese bagel extra cream cheese, please.” 

“Coming right up,”  

He yelled to his co-workers in the back, “Double cheese and peach tea, medium!” He was quick to jump to the next person, in moments a different man with curly, hair pulled back into a low bun yelled my name, “Iris Rose,” holding my tea. 

“Cheese bagel, extra cream cheese and medium peach iced tea. $12.47 is your total.” 

“Alright,” I pulled my wallet out, glad to know I would not have to pay this much for tea and a bagel ever again.  

“Here’s a twenty.” 

“$7.53 is your change have a great day, Iris,” he smiled big. 

“You too,” I squinted at his name tag, “Steven.”  He seemed to ask with his eyes if he would see me again. Unfortunately, he will not. 

 I wandered away. I did not know where to go. I left Marten’s for the last time with a sense of nostalgia and a stinging pain in my chest. I was moving from New York to Seattle. I loved the rain, and I grew up in Seattle, but I did not want to go home. I love my job. I work behind the scenes for productions on Broadway: lighting, building, sound, organizing the cast, and props. It was an easy job to love. I love the friends I have made here. They are all extremely to cool for me. They work in fashion and business. They have their life together and mine is simply falling apart.  

My apartment was all packed. My girlfriend, Serena, was planning to come back with me. I was not going to let her give up her life for me. The distance is going to hurt. I am planning to break up with her tonight. I love her, she is my best friend, but I need time.  

I continue strolling with no thoughts intruding. Still staring at the pavement. My flight is at 4am tomorrow. I am spending the night at the airport. A lot of my furniture is staying here in New York. I’ll be in Seattle for as long as possible. I only knew I was leaving a couple days before. I’ll be living with my parents before I can get my feet on the ground.                                                                                                                                                                               

I seemed to meander far from my apartment. I passed a skatepark I recognized, and the tree line surrounding it. They added rose bushes, the leaves were beginning to fall. I hate autumn. I hate October.  I needed to sit down. I ate my bagel which had become cold, and my tea tasted strange, the ice had melted.  

Birds flirted with the leaves of the trees above me. People stared at me as they walked past. I was crying, not loudly, but I have created a puddle of cement.  

I felt a rush, a gushed of wind, it took my brain with it. Back into the past, each memory painted in the sky. That night I told my mom and dad I was moving to New York. The day I moved in. The night I went out and met Serena. It was painted in technicolor, and I wanted that back. The day I met Teddy and Carly. Every moment felt so far away. I could feel a shift in the air as I stumbled home, New York became something in the past. The good times were over. For the next few years, my eyes were set on Seattle.