What Just Doesn’t Make Sense About SpongeBob

Important points to ponder about SpongeBob SquarePants


Brooklyn Plitz

    I think we all grew up watching the show SpongeBob SquarePants (unless your parents didn’t let you), and I’m guessing the only thing you remember is that it was funny. However, although I must say it is pretty funny, some of the show just doesn’t make sense. To give you some points to ponder, here are some ideas from our ninth-grade centers very own, Mr. Voss, and sophomore Alyse Bisby. 

Brooklyn Plitz with Mr. Voss 

BP: “Mr. Voss, what just does not make sense about SpongeBob?” 

Mr. Voss: “Ok, never actually watched the show, but let me see if I can get a few ideas… 

  1. Sponges are malleable so why does he need to wear square pants? 
  2. not really a question, but SpongeBob lives in bikini bottom which is presumably at the bottom of bikini atollwhere atomic weapons were tested after WWII… thus it is within reason to suggest that SpongeBob (and cast) mutated from radiation exposure to develop the ability to speak and perform other actions of higher intellect. In several episodes, you can spot mushroom clouds in the background of scenes as evidence of the validity of this theory. Also, the infamous pipe bomb scene has the actual footage of a bikini atoll nuclear blast, thus it is possible that the pie was not a bomb, but rather the exact time the bomb detonated above.
  3. What is Sandy hiding from that she moved under the ocean where a squirrel is not typically found? credit card fraud? Gambling debts to the Yakuza (Japanese Mafia)? Murder?
  4. How did David Hasselhoff swim like that?
  5. Which kindergarten class wrote the lyrics to the theme song? … just terrible.
  6. How are crabby patties grilled when the restaurant is underwater?
  7. I may be wrong but Gary the snail doesn’t speak. why do other underwater fauna have visibility but not Gary?
  8. Sponges reproduce through fragmentation or budding, so SpongeBob has a parent but not parents… so which one is a liar Harold or Margaret? one of them is a parent and one is a fraud. 

Brooklyn Plitz with Alyse Bisby 

BP: “Alyse, what just doesn’t make sense about SpongeBob?” 

AB: “Personally I think that the best house is the rock, Patrick’s house, which would also be the most realistic house for a show that is supposed to take place underwater.  I would love to live under a rock if I could because then I would never have come outSandy is definitely a criminal and lives underwater because she stole something, it was probably an acorn or something very insignificant, but she definitely was a criminal. Also, all of the main characters can talk, (except Gary) but some fish cannot even speak, and all they do is say “meep” which is confusing. Also, the chocolate episode…I have no thoughts, just think about it… Also, there is no reason for Squidward to be all depresso expresso, I mean like same, but still, and something scary, why do they drive boats with wheels when they’re underwater? Creepy.”